Jax Cracker Race 2023
The parking lot was overcrowded from all the families of the 9 car racers. Nary a spot was in sight! But that did NOT deter the motivation and desire for victory. The Wesner sisters were out for blood – especially the quiet one (it’s always the quiet ones). Little Big Red wasn’t fooling anyone with his nicey-nice attitude and cornhole-themed car. Young Mister Shepherd went for a jet black look to make us all think twice about him. Brother Wolf’s racer had horns to try to intimidate others. Roaring Lion couldn’t wait to race but never let on just how much he thirsted for a win. Zico pretended to play basketball before the races began – oh what a sneaky lad he is. And don’t even get us started on those Dalessandro brothers.
The track was put up with a laser level calibrated at the Naval Observatory. The finish line sensors were set by optical professionals from a local contracting firm. Mechanical engineers ensured the start gate was fully lubricated with just a millimeter of the finest oil from Saudi Arabia so there would be no friction losses. And the bath towel was placed with care at the end of the track to stop the cars. :\
With only 9 heats, nobody knew what would take place that day…..that fateful day. The knocking of the A/C units on the school roof only added to the tension in everyone’s chest. The very first heat shot horror through everyone’s intestines when the wheels came off. Cabrera the Elder called upon his tried and true maintenance skills to repair front and rear axles with only seconds to spare before their next heat. The next few heats went off with no fanfare. But then the timer malfunctioned! OH THE HUMANITY!!! Heat #4 had to be redone, but then the timer wouldn’t send its signal to the computer! Why are dogs and cats living together?! Lumberjack’s keen knowledge and inappropriate humor saved that heat. Thank the good Lord.
When all the dust and Big Red’s bad breath settled, we knew who the champions were. Brother Wolf’s horned dragon was 3rd place for Best in Show. Little Big Red was 2nd and Roaring Lion took 1st with his racer honoring Doc Brown and the time-traveling Delorean. Then everyone was wondering who would be the next generation Mario Andretti or Dale Earnhardt. The trophy for third fastest racer went to young Zico – even after those pesky maintenance problems. But those Dalessandro brothers showed no mercy, taking the top two spots! Ryan and Connor were ultimately victorious.